My bathroom is like my own private arcade room. Whenever I'm seated comfortably on the toilet, no one is going to disturb me, so I can play anything I want on my smartphone. You probably do it, too — and your parents, kids, friends, colleagues, and boss — so don't be afraid to admit it.
However, what you don't realize is just how crucial the type of game you play is. You don't want a game that's too addictive, or you'll be playing until your legs go numb. And sitting too long on a toilet can actually cause hemorroids. Yes, really. Plus, if you're at work, you're not going to want everybody wondering where the hell you've been for the last half hour.
When you're taking the Browns to the Super Bowl, you need something that isn't super complicated so you can easily start and stop it when the time is right. And you're just in luck, because I've got ten perfect poop-time games that are available for both Android and iPhone, and they're all fun and easy to quit. Just make sure you wash your hands after.
1. Current Stream
A simple game with a simple concept, Current Stream has you rotate pipes in order to join them together and form a current to power light bulbs. Each level has a current that needs to reach another point, or multiple points as you progress through the game. It's your job to tap and rotate pieces that enable the current to... well, flow.
Thought there's an option to remove them for $1.99, the ads are fairly unobtrusive, consistently appearing after completing every other stage in the game. All in all, Current Stream comes highly recommended for its simple yet challenging gameplay, which you can play quickly and exit out of as you do your business in the toilet.
2. Little Alchemy
The objective of Little Alchemy is to combine elements to create new ones. You start with just four, so it's your job to get closer to the actual number of possible combinations, which is 550. Controls are extremely simple in the game, so it's basically just a matter swiping elements together on the left-hand side in order to create new elements.
Little Alchemy is definitely fun when you're pooping, but it gets increasingly more difficult as you go along, so the developer also has a companion hint app to curb frustrations. Ads are are non-existent, which is awesome, as it leaves you to concentrate on making new elements distraction-free.
3. Two Dots
Not only is Two Dots entertaining, it's very visually appealing with its simple design. The game requires you to connect two or more dots of the same color in order to remove them from the grid. Each color requires a specific number to eliminate. It's an uncomplicated game, but it gets more difficult as you get into the higher levels. Overall, it's quick to play and offers tips and tricks as you get further along.
Two Dots has objective-based tasks to add a little flavor to the game, which primarily consist of connecting a set of dots within a given number of moves in order to progress to the next stage. The game gives you five lives to start with, which then regenerate every 20 minutes. With its simple, intuitive gameplay and minimal ads, Two Dots comes highly recommended.
4. Running Circles
Running Circles has a simple premise: Tap to move from circle to circle, avoiding Minion-esque creatures as you collect all the diamonds you can. Test your skill as you switch between running within or outside of the circles, transferring from one to another as you improve your high score. Each attempt will render a new, challenging obstacle, packed with monsters to avoid and more precious diamonds to collect.
Controls are easy, just tap on the screen to jump into another circle, or to go from inside to outside. Timing is critical, however, as getting caught in between circles while on the outer perimeter spells instant death. Ads are optional in Running Circles, which gives you a chance to continue where you died by either spending diamonds or watching a commercial. If you need a serious challenge while dropping a deuce, Running Circles is the game for you.
5. Threes! Free
If you're a fan of the puzzle game 2048, then definitely try out Threes. Swipe to combine numbers and increase their totals. Two can be added to one, but after three, only duplicate numbers can be combined.
Trust me, you can just pick this up and start playing immediately — it's nowhere near as confusing as I'm making it sound. The game also gives you a simple tutorial that is very helpful.
In addition to intuitive controls that you instantly adapt to, Threes also features no intrusive ads, offering them only as an option which rewards you with extra lives. If you love math-based puzzles while plopping down number twos in the bowl, Threes is just the game for you!
6. Punch Quest
If you have a hankering for a quick action-packed game to play while on your bathroom break, Punch Quest is just the game for you. There isn't much to explain with the game — your character sprints forward as you punch or viciously uppercut the oncoming assault from goblins, ghouls, or other creatures.
Controls are easy to master — just tap on the left side of the screen to jump around, pummel enemies by tapping on the right side, and defend yourself from enemy strikes by tapping on both sides simultaneously. Ads are very minimal, and only appear occasionally in between gameplay.
7. Paper Toss Boss
Who doesn't love trying to score a basket with a crumpled-up piece of paper? Instead of picking up your trash every time you miss, play Paper Toss Boss and put your skills to the test while the office intern rolls past you with the basket. It's simple, and all you need to do is flick the display with your finger.
Ads featured in Paper Toss Boss are largely out of the way. There's a small banner up top and an option to watch additional ads that give you rewards. These bonuses, such as points multipliers, help you rack up even more points with each bucket you make to set new records every time you play.
Note that this app is the official, non-malicious version of Paper Toss.
8. Crossy Road
Crossy Road is essentially a revamped and improved version of the classic Frogger game. Tap and swipe to get your character as far across the maps as you can, dodging the countless obstacles in your way. It's entertaining enough and you can unlock a plethora of additional characters for free.
Crossy Road is one of the few games out there that offers an entirely ad-free experience, which is truly quite refreshing considering it's a free game. That said, the game would still be highly recommended even if it did come with ads, and overall, it's a great way to kill time while in the toilet.
9. Toilet Time
It's only appropriate to leave a game called Toilet Time as the last one in this list. Designed specifically for bathroom breaks, Toilet Time is a medley of mini-games combined into one experience. You have four lives to begin with, and every failed mini-game will eliminate one.
There's an option to permanently remove ads for $1.99, but they only appear occasionally in between game sessions and are easily closed. So even with the ads intact, the game is still quite enjoyable to play, as ads don't ruin your overall experience in any way. Toilet Time truly is the ideal game to play while unloading in the bathroom, and it comes highly recommended.
Hopefully these games keep you entertained while you're dropping the kids off at the pool, but be sure to let us know some of your personal favorite games to play while you sit on the porcelain throne.
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Cover image and screenshots by Neil Gonzalez/Gadget Hacks
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